April 14, 2010
Easy Dating Tips For Shy People
Shyness is a very serious problem. You need to learn how to overcome it in order to have a chance to happiness. The one you like might never find out how you really feel. The good news is that you can follow some easy steps to cure your anxiety. Don’t let this affect your life.
Some new accessories or clothes can give you a lot more self confidence. You should try this too. For example if you like a leather watch you can buy it. It will make you feel stronger next time you are around the person you like. This is not available for everybody but you can try it. All you have to do is to change your look or purchase a small accessory. Sometimes little things can help you with the anxiety problem.
Sometimes you can attract his attention with the way you look. If you learn some fashion and beauty tips you will not need to make the first step. Try to make the other person approach you. You can do this by taking care of the way you look. Get some nice leather brown boots and new clothes. Try to avoid anything extravagant. You can’t know for sure what he likes.
Do your best to be happy with the way your body looks. For this you must work hard. Use only the best beauty products. Try to choose the natural ones. When you buy a skin cream make sure you read the label. For example when you buy a BB cream you must check first of all what type of skin you have.
When you meet the person you like you must try to start a conversation. It can be about anything. If you are a very social person it will be easier. Try to practice with neighbors and friends. Talk as much as possible with everybody you know. This way you will be trained for any type of discussion with the person you love. Keep in mind that if you are scared to talk he might think that you are not interested.
When you are very shy around the person you love try to ask help from a friend. You might discover that he had the same problem. Ask his advice and support.
Many people are scared to approach the person they love because of an eventual rejection. Keep in mind that this is the worst it can happen. If you will be rejected you will be able to move on. The good thing is that you might have a chance.
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Filed under Relationship tips by learnwell
September 7, 2009
Why Most Couples Don’t Stay Together
I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.
First let me state the not so obvious: a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; Does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together. Why? Becuse eventually, the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. A common commitment to a external force or ideal, that is greater than both of you, that is stable and enduring, will see you through the tough times that will inevitably come …
In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). Even if both of these are present, there are no guarantees, but the chances are greatly improved.
Without these, there is no common bond; it’s just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …
So, the intent or lifetime goal of both parties must be the same. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.
Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.
Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.
Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Some behaviors may come from family control issues. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.
There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.
There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it’s not about you, it may be about their family control issues.
At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.
Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (Don’t get me wrong: there is always room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.
Perhaps ask; what’s the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. Most of the time, when the dust settles, nothing too spectacular. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.
There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. And to accomplish this, we need the help of a special “glue” to bind one love to the other. A “third party” that has historically been present in all successful marriages. And continues to be a vital element in marriages today.
The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. One spirit, one soul, split off into two bodies.
It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, you can ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you, by heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal …
Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.
Related posts
Filed under Relationship tips by learnwell
I have witnessed, both within my own family, in the outside world and in my practice, what can happen in a relationship if there is no common bond that can actually bind a couple together.
First let me state the not so obvious: a strong attraction, be it physical, mental or emotional: Love; Does not seem to be enough to keep a couple together. Why? Becuse eventually, the body will wither, the mind will change and the emotions will flutter. And love may turn into a dependency or habit. Unless, there is a third entity; the glue that binds the one to the other; the bond that binds, a mutual goal and lifetime commitment to it. The “it” needs to be greater that both of you, a driving force that can take both of you, like a boat down the river, or an ark during a flood (and floods there will be) …
In my opinion, there are two good bonds; children and Religion or a Spiritual Practice (to be more politically correct, or any other proven external disciplinary way of life that both parties agreed to commit to whole-heartedly, abide by, follow and emulate; the goal). Even if both of these are present, there are no guarantees, but the chances are greatly improved.
Without these, there is no common bond; it’s just two people living separate lives together: convenient for a nice meal, some ambience, safe sex, and the occasional meaningful conversation …
So, the intent or lifetime goal of both parties must be the same. Otherwise, both sides will be resentful, because, in any situation, for any important decision, no compromise can satisfy both of the parties, because their primary motivating goals are different; or they have no primary motivating goals and “just don’t feel like it” at the time. And so there is no improvement in the situation and resentments, anger, etc. build; and there is no possibility for a long-term relationship.
Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards negativity, insecurity and fear/anxiety. But this is who the person is at the moment; and they are perfect the way they are.
Love may sometimes seem to be obscured by a tendency towards not wanting to be so depended upon by the other, for their happiness, security and emotional wellbeing. But this is who that person is at the moment; and perfect the way they are.
Much of this may stem from residual family entanglements. Control issues coming from the family of origin may be the cause of some behaviors. Some behaviors may come from family insecurity issues.
There are a few key issues that need to be kept in mind: Trust! Honesty! One must trust the other, as the right hand trusts the left. And one must be honest and trustworthy, inside the relationship and in the world at large as well; trusting yourself, being honest with yourself and trusting your partner and being honest with your partner, and being trustworthy and honest in all your dealings in the world. In other words, your thoughts, speech and actions should always be in line with a clear conscience.
There are times when you will feel rejected or abandoned, based on your perception of the situation. There is usually no reason to feel this way; from the other’s standpoint, it’s not about you, it may be about their family control issues.
At times you may feel that you would appear weak if you give in to the desires of the other. There is no reason to feel weak by giving in: remember the bond that binds; you can show your compassion and accommodation of what may be the other’s family insecurity issues.
Besides the above mentioned, or perhaps, because of the above mentioned, there may be a lack of real compassion and empathy on the part of both parties for each other. To see the world from the other persons heart and to trust the other person, that they are doing the best they can. To see them as perfect, the way they are. (Don’t get me wrong: there is always room for improvement.) To realize the person is always more important than any ideology or material object or goal; the relationship comes first.
Perhaps ask; what’s the worst thing that can happen if the worst thing happens. In most cases, upon sober reflection, the answer is; nothing very devastating. Again, the third entity, the bond that binds, the trust in that everything that happens is only good.
There is a need for genuine compassion and complete acceptance of the other as perfect as they are; acknowledgement and acceptance of each others needs and idiosyncrasies and the commitment and willingness to live with them as they are, for as long as they are that way. And this, as has been proven throught the ages, and continues to be valid, cannot be accomplished without the “third party”, which is the bond that binds one love to the other.
The other person; their feelings, hopes, dreams, goals must be your own as well: you are one; heads and tails of the same coin. Essentially, two bodies split off from one soul, one spirit.
It says, “All beginnings are difficult”. And while this may be so, you can ensure that the trip will be worthwhile and pleasant for you and for all of those who love you, by heading in the right direction, with the right foot, for the right reasons, towards the right goal …
Abraham Bruck is the developer of the Universal Healing Technique and the UHT Lifetime Trauma Resolution Protocol.
Related posts
Filed under Relationship tips by learnwell